Relating Together
Constructive Conflict resolution
State the Problem STEP NUMBER 3
State what your partner is doing (their specific behavior) and
why it is a conflict for you.
Clearly state what you do or do not like.
Stick to the facts and the present situation.
This step is a good step to practice before doing it with your
partner.
State My Feelings STEP NUMBER 4
Tell your partner what you are feeling as a result of their
actions, words or inferences.
Use "I" messages to describe how you feel.
(Feelings List)
Take responsibility for your own feelings.
This gives your partner room to be accountable for themselves.
Do not blame your partner for your feelings.
(Trust your partner's intent)
Propose Solution STEP NUMBER 5
This is your opportunity to propose a solution keeping in mind
the goal of conflict is to find a mutual solution. Moving your focus
to the solution is to invite mutuality and trust and therefore
increase passion in your relationship.
State what you are willing to change.
Ask your partner clearly and in terms of behavior; what you
want your partner to do or not do.
Outline Consequences STEP NUMBER 6
Consequences, meaning how this change or lack of change will
effect you and the problem.
Describe the benefits of the change.
State how you' will feel if the change is made.
State how you will feel if no change happens.
What may/will happen if there is no change.
This is a progressive step. You will be returning to this step as
you and your partner negotiate. Beware of "winning" or empty
threats
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