Relating Together
Conflict Tips
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Avoid arguing
in the car, it's too confining and adds to
feeling trapped.
-
Be sure you
have time, i.e. company is not coming, you're not leaving the
house soon or going to work. Having conflict when there is no time
temps a hit and run situation.
-
Leave the bed
and actually go to another room.
The bedroom is for comfort.
-
Some people
want reassurance during conflict and others need lots of space.
Do not touch, each other during a conflict unless your ask the
other person first.
-
If you need
to take a break during an argument first say "I need to take a
break, can we continue in twenty minutes, I'm gong for a walk, or
where ever. I'll be back at 1:30 pm, ." (specific time) The
other person is less apt to feel left hanging or abandoned
-
Always allow
the other person to leave or go into another part of the house
without following them. Do not try to restrain them.
Hopefully you will be able to set a mutual time to reengage.
-
When you
"know" you are headed in the "same old direction" in your conflict
and you know you are reaching "that" point, say "I want to do this
the new way, let's take a break" Remember the phrase "The New
Way". It's neutral and invites the feeling of working together.
-
Be
respectful, no name calling. It will come back to haunt you.
-
You know the
buttons, don't push them during an argument.
The pains remains and no gain.
-
Tell each
other what topic you want to agree are off limits during an
argument unless that is the topic of the conflict.
-
If you argue
to win, you loose.
-
Corner Stone.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, remembering your partner loves
you, wants to be with you, and wants the best for you. They may
be wrong, communicating poorly, totally off base, but they are
still there.
-
Any reference
to your partners family, i.e., you're just like your father, is a
set up, it will haunt you later.
-
One topic at
a time. Even if you have the "perfect" example to make your point
don't give in to the temptation. Write it down.
If it came to mind it most likely has not been resolved and needs
discussion at a time when you are both calm
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